In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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