I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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