just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize