I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize