I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize