That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
