And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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