dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
