She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
