Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Even my vagina gasped.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
