well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's Friday. Sex?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
