Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize