i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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