someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
