the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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