you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize