Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize