We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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