Fuck appropriateness.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
