Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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