saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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