His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.