what day is it and did you see me today?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"