Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY