Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
