i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
