i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
