We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
