There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Another day, another engagement, another cat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon