You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.