we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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