My friends, they love my intelligence
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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