VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
