where am i from again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
