Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
handjob tips. give me some.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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