honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize