I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize