This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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