if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
