So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
