Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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