I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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