im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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