Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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