I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
