i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.