i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs