Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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