My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize