I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
