its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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