we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
