I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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