i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
